Bare hands
by Mibamonster
Summary: "Yes, well, we're surrounded by vampires. Ian is just really nervous. We all are." Adrian reached out and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Are you afraid of me now?" "That's not the same and you know it," I said. Set after chapter 2 of The Indigo Spell, featuring Sonya's wedding, Alchemists and a lot of Sydrian.
1. Chapter 1

**This is set immediately after ch2 of ****_The Indigo Spell_****. If you haven't read it yet, I suggest you do so - if you can handle the Sydrian feels, that is. **

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By the time my cab arrived at the Moroi Court, I wondered how I was ever going to get through a wedding – a wedding that was going to take place at night and last until morning, at that. After making sure I had everything with me, I paid the cab driver. I was sorry to see him go; he was the last part of humanity before I'd submerge myself into the vampire world.

I walked up to one of the Court's smaller entrances, my eyes locked on the map Adrian had been so kind as to draw for me. Looking up, I was faced with a massive wooden door. My shoulders slumped; it looked locked. I wasn't looking forward to walking around the Court grounds, dragging my luggage behind me, but it seemed like I had no choice.

"Sydney?"

I swiveled around and nearly bumped into Rose Hathaway. In the dark, her hair and eyes looked almost black, but the smile she gave me was as warm as always. "I didn't know you were coming, too," she said. She reached out as if to hug me, but then she took my bag instead. "Want me to carry those for you? You look a bit tired – no offence."

"None taken." I rolled my shoulders, glad to be free of the weight, but stopped when I saw how effortlessly Rose carried all my luggage. As I followed her into the building, it hit me that Rose was Adrian's ex-girlfriend. This strong, beautiful girl was my predecessor in a way. Adrian's small speech from the plane came back to me: _"You're not as much of a lost cause as she was. I mean, with her, I had to overcome her deep, epic love with a Russian warlord."_ I shook my head. _Oh, Adrian. You do know how to pick them, _I thought.

"I'd heard some Alchemists were coming," Rose said, pulling my attention back to the present. "Do you know any of the others?"

"I don't know who else was sent." I doubted I knew them, though. A Moroi wedding wasn't exactly something many Alchemists would want to attend, so I guessed they'd chosen either really ambitious or really troublesome Alchemists – and me. I just hoped that was because I knew the bride. "Rose, do you know where I have to go?"

"Yeah, I just texted Rory – she's in charge of… organizing things, I guess. You're in a really nice part – those rooms have awesome views." We'd reached a grand staircase, the red carpet looking nice enough to sleep on. Without missing a beat, Rose carried my suitcase up the stairs, just as a couple of elderly Moroi came down.

Despite all my "progress" in working with vampires, I still had an uneasy feeling in my chest, only intensified when I remembered there were hardly any humans around. The lady was holding a glass of red wine – I knew it was red wine, it _had_ to be – but it resembled blood so much. I was surrounded by vampires and dhampirs. Almost all the other humans would be feeders. What if one of them thought I was a feeder, too, and –

A warm hand closed around my arm and someone gently shook me. "Sydney? Sydney, are you okay?"

I choked and closed my eyes. "Just a sec," I said in a small voice. My heart was beating so hard it hurt. Focusing on my breathing, I reminded myself that I was safe. Rose wouldn't let them hurt me. _No one is going to hurt you_. When I opened my eyes again, the Moroi couple had left and Rose and I were alone in the hall again.

Rose withdrew her hand, though she still looked worried. "Are you okay?" she said again.

I nodded. "I am now. I'm just tired."

"You might want to take a nap before the wedding. Come on, then we'll go to your room." Her voice was soft and soothing, and when later on we walked past some guardians, Rose was between me and them at all times. Walking through a long, chandelier-lit corridor, I felt stupid for reacting the way I had. Moroi weren't animals; they didn't just bite any human at any time. The Alchemists would never have let me come here if that were the case.

"Here we are," Rose suddenly said. She stopped in front of a door that had the number 342 on a sign next to it. She put down my luggage and crouched on the floor, putting her fingers in the space between the door and the floor.

"Rose, what are you – " I started, but then she cried out triumphantly, "Got it!" and got up again. In her hands was a key. Just as she opened the door, someone called, "Hathaway!"

A Moroi boy came walking towards us. I recognized him from somewhere; his dark hair and blue eyes were striking enough to be remembered, but it was his smirk that made me realize who it was: Christian Ozera, the Queen's boyfriend.

A shiver went down my spine, but I forced myself to stay calm. _They're not going to hurt you. He's not going to hurt you_. My hand closed around my necklace, my thumb stroking the golden cross.

"What are you doing here?" Rose said. "Don't you have other people to annoy?"

"Why would I, when your reactions are so much fun?" He leaned against the wall and looked at me. His smirk faded and he frowned. "An Alchemist?"

"She's here for Sonya's wedding," said Rose, taking a step forward. It was probably more to reassure than to protect me.

Christian's eyes lingered on my face. "Do I know you? I seem to connect you with explosions…"

"I helped Rose escape." I walked towards him and held out my hand. "Sydney Sage. It's nice to meet you."

Taken aback, he shook my hand. "I thought Alchemists were scared of us. The ones I met an hour ago almost pissed themselves. I guess living with Rose for a while would toughen up anyone." He smirked at Rose, who didn't even bother with a reply. "I'm Christian Ozera, by the way."

"Also known as one of the least charming people at Court. Trust me, Syd, most Moroi make better company." Rose smiled sweetly at him and picked up my bag and suitcase again. "Now, if you'll excuse us, Ozera, we have more interesting things to talk to, like walls."

"You're breaking my heart, Rose. Aren't we past that?"

"Breaking hearts is what I do." She shrugged and I was reminded of Adrian again. Yes, breaking hearts was what Rose did – and she did it a bit too well.

"Of course. Are you on duty tonight?" Christian said.

"Yup. All through the wedding, lucky me. I'll see you there." She winked at him and entered 'my' room. I nodded at Christian before following Rose inside and closing the door behind me. Relief flooded through me now that I was safe. Moroi wouldn't come in here, would they? Not while it was my room, at least.

Rose placed my suitcase on the bed. It was a double, with a nice, flowery duvet cover and pillows. Now that I got a look at the rest of the room, I saw Rose had been right. It _was _very nice: spacious, with deliciously soft-looking furniture. There was a huge window, though it was too dark outside to see the view.

I glanced at my watch. It was almost twelve; the wedding started at three. Napping for an hour seemed like a good idea. I turned to Rose, who was eyeing me contemplatively.

"You look so different," she said, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "In a good way, I mean. Last time you were here you looked absolutely terrified."

"Well, last time I thought I'd done the biggest rule-breaking in my career," I said. I remembered all too clearly my fear of being sent to a Re-education center that had been the aftermath of me helping Rose. "This time, the Alchemists aren't angry with me. That does make a big difference."

She grimaced. "You didn't get into too much trouble over that, did you?"

"I got out of it." I hoped. "Rose? It's really nice to see you again."

She smiled, and this time she did give me a real hug. I don't think she expected me to hug her back, but I did. "Thanks for showing me to my room and helping me out."

"No problem." She let out a nervous laugh. "I'd never thought you'd be hugging me. What would the Alchemists say?" It was meant to be a joke, but immediately I tensed. What _would_ the Alchemists say?

I knew the answer to that: Re-education. This moment was enough to get me there.

_There are going to be other Alchemists here. _

_They are going to hurt you._


	2. Chapter 2

I wouldn't cover up my tattoo for the wedding. There was no need to hide it and I wanted it to be clear to everyone that I was not a feeder – I was an Alchemist. Yet as I caught the gold's reflection in the mirror, I wasn't sure if I wanted to be reminded of my employers tonight.

Just was I was finishing my make-up, someone knocked. I quickly sprayed some perfume on and went to get the door, expecting it to be Rose or perhaps Dimitri. But in the corridor was someone I hadn't expected to see – not at this wedding, maybe never again. There, wringing his hands, his eyes flitting around like those of caged animal, was Ian DeWitt. I hadn't seen him since the last time I'd been at this Court.

He visibly relaxed when he saw me, though his shoulders still looked tensed. "Hi. Do you mind if I come in?"

I was too dumbstruck to answer right away. "Er… yes. Of course." As he hurried in, I closed the door, still not understanding what was going on. "Ian, what are you doing here?"

"Being your backup," he said. "And your plus one."

"My… plus one?" I went back to the mirror, hoping my confusion wasn't too obvious.

"To the wedding. As your date. Isn't that what's traditionally done?"

When I looked at him, he appeared just as uncomfortable as I felt. Recalling the terror on his face as he'd stood on the corridor, I felt sorry for him. Moroi made me uncomfortable and occasionally scared, but for Ian this had to be terrifying, like being in a lion's den.

"I came to pick you up," he said, when I didn't answer. "I figured you wouldn't want to go there on your own." His eyes drifted towards the door, but then he focused them on my face again. "You look nice. Did you know blue was traditionally the color for many wedding dresses? It was a sign of purity."

I did know that, but it seemed like a weird thing to say. Making a noncommittal sound, I got my shoes out of my suitcase. The heels weren't very high, but I still hoped I wouldn't have to walk far in them.

"So, er… how have you been?" I said, while forcing my feet into the shoes. "Where have you been?"

While he talked about his life – he was stationed in Philadelphia at the moment, helping out an older Alchemist – we went downstairs. It was weird to see so many people about when it was the middle of the night for me, but I didn't feel afraid, especially when I caught sight of Dimitri. _They aren't going to hurt me_.

The ceremony was in a church that was a fifteen-minute walk from my room. Once we reached the old, stone building. It was already half-filled with Moroi and dhampirs, who were chatting animatedly with each other. I was startled when Ian grabbed my hand.

"Sacrilege," he said, taking in the church. His voice was wobbly.

"They're getting married. It makes sense for it to be in here," I said.

He frowned. "You'd want creatures like this to be united in a church? In the house of God?"

"Yes!" I thought of Sonya and the way she always started glowing when she spoke about Mikhail. I couldn't imagine God not approving that. "If two people love each other, then they_ should_ be able to get married in front of God. Love is something beautiful, even between a Moroi and a hu – dhampir." I froze. All blood seemed to drain from my face. _Oh no. _

But Ian seemed to have missed my little slip-up. All it took was two Moroi taking their place next to him and his contempt was exchanged for a different emotion; fear. He squeezed the hand that was still holding mine so hard, I wondered if I'd have any feeling left by the end of the service.

"They're not going to hurt you," I said. "Ian, it's a wedding. A happy occasion. Try to enjoy it."

He clenched his jaw and hastily pulled his leg away when the Moroi shifted position. It reminded me of the first time I'd met Rose and had been too afraid to sleep with her in the same room. That was the attitude of an Alchemist. What Ian was displaying now was the way I should feel when I was around Adrian or Jill.

_Speaking of which_… I surveyed the room, searching for Adrian. _Knowing him, he'll probably be late. Stop looking for him. _Like I'd thought, he wasn't here yet. I turned my attention back to Ian, trying to calm him by keeping up a normal conversation. It didn't help much; as more and more vampires came in, Ian grew warier, until he looked as if he was about to bolt.

"We should be with the other Alchemists," he said. "We shouldn't be sitting here alone, it's not safe."

"Do you really think they're going to attack us in the middle of a church? They're not savages." I wanted to tell him that they weren't monsters, but his words about the other Alchemists rung in my ear. How to calm him without looking like I didn't share the Alchemists' beliefs?

Just then, I was distracted by Adrian, who came in only just in time for the wedding. He looked better than he had any right to after a five-hour flight, but that wasn't what made my stomach do an unpleasant flip. At his arm, wearing a red dress that had to be at least two sizes smaller than mine, was a beautiful Moroi girl, with long, brown hair and high cheekbones. She placed her hand on his arm and said something in his ear, something that made him laugh.

I hadn't been prepared for the wave of jealousy that engulfed me. When I'd told him to move on, I'd meant it, but only because I'd thought… I'd thought I wouldn't care whom he was with. I couldn't care about that.

But I did.

Ian followed my gaze and then scoffed. "Of course, Adrian Ivashkov has to be the last one to arrive. Don't vampires know anything about punct - "

He was cut short by the start of Wagner's wedding march. We all rose as the bride came in, but my view was obstructed by the much taller Moroi. That was okay, though; my mind was elsewhere in the room. I wondered how the Moroi girl felt about Adrian. Had they known each other for long? Did she like him? Did he like her?

Next to me, Ian holding my hand reminded me that it didn't matter. Not while Adrian was a Moroi and I an Alchemist.

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**A/N: Fear not, the next chapter has Adrian in it. Loads of him. :) Also, reviews make my life, so don't hesitate to leave one!**


	3. Chapter 3

At the reception in the greenhouse, I left Ian with a forty-something female Alchemist, saying I needed to go outside for some fresh air. That wasn't a lie, exactly, but it wasn't completely true either. I needed some time away from Ian and the way he clung to me whenever vampires were around. That, and seeing Adrian dancing with his date made the glasses with wine look a lot more appealing. I never drank and I wasn't going to start now.

The cool air was a welcome change after the hot, vampire-filled greenhouse. Rubbing my hands over my arms, I admired the snow-covered trees that surrounded me. In the background played some nineties love song. Though the lyrics were cheesy, they described my feelings so well, it was almost scary. Here outside, away from the ever-watchful Alchemists, I allowed myself to think of Adrian on the plane.

_"So what's it matter if I just love you from afar?"_

The words made my heart ache. It mattered because, as long as he kept on feeling that way, some part of me would keep hoping for a solution, even though I knew that was impossible. This marriage only proved that; Ian proved it; everything was a sign that Adrian and I couldn't have feelings for each other.

_Maybe I should go back inside to see Ian_, I thought. _A human. An Alchemist, even. Things would be so much easier with him. He's a lot less moody, too. _

But even as I tried to convince myself, I knew there was no point. Ian's touch didn't sent flutters through my entire body; Ian's remarks didn't make me laugh, no matter what the situation; I could never confide in Ian the way I did Adrian.

"Well, damn," I muttered.

"Wow. I think that must be the worst language I've ever heard you utter." As if Someone had sent him with the intent purpose of confusing me, Adrian was standing next to me. "Care to share?"

"No." I hesitated, but my jealousy got the overhand. "Don't you have a date to be with?"

"Oh, she can entertain herself without me, don't worry about that. She's not like _your _lovely date. Are you sure he can survive without you holding his hand for five minutes?" Adrian's mouth turned up in a smirk, but it didn't reach his eyes. "You know, when I said 'I won't bother you anymore', I didn't think you'd start waving your new boyfriend in my face like that."

I glared at him. "Ian's not my boyfriend. He's just someone I work with."

"Who also happens to be crazy about you." He could be so annoying sometimes.

"He isn't." I was adamant. "Why are we even arguing about this? It's none of your business."

"Course it is. I have to watch out for you, Sage. As a friend." He grinned when I rolled my eyes. "And you can get a lot better than him."

"Oh, like you, you mean?" I couldn't keep the sarcasm from my voice, but it didn't seem to bother him.

"For instance. But a cardboard cutout would be better than him." He pulled a face. "At least that would have some more personality. I've never seen anyone with an aura that was so boring. I'm telling you, Sage… if you asked him to pick you roses, he'd wear gloves."

This piqued my interest. "What do you mean?"

"It's like nothing happens inside him. Even when he's around you, there's barely any activity in his aura. Like…" He gestured with his hands, but that didn't clarify anything for me. It looked like he was imitating a vomiting walrus. "I've never seen something like that."

"Yeah, well, we're surrounded by vampires. He's just really nervous. We all are."

Adrian reached out and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Are you afraid of me now?"

"That's not the same and you know it," I said.

"Are you, though?" His green eyes, impossible to look away from, held mine.

I sighed. "No. I'm not scared of you." My feelings for him were a different matter, but it might be better not to tell him. "You know that, too."

He didn't reply but trailed his hands down from my shoulders, until one rested on my waist and the other was closed around mine. "In that case – may I have this dance?"

"Won't your date be jealous?" I asked, as I placed my hand on his shoulder.

He shrugged. "Anna has a wonderful girlfriend. I don't think she'll mind me dancing with someone else. Unless she wants you for herself, maybe." Beaming, he pulled me closer to him, until our chests were almost touching. I was so close I could peek through the gaps in between the buttons of his dress shirt, seeing just a hint of his skin. The urge to reach out and feel that skin, run my hands along his abs, was so strong that only Adrian's hand holding mine stopped me.

_"Hell, I'm pretty sure you're already half in love with me."_

I almost snorted at the thought. Being half in love with him would've been easy. I was a complete goner, head over heels in love with a vampire. I was almost surprised at how little of a shock this epiphany was. Surely there must be some part of me, still listening to the Alchemist training, that would hate the idea of being in love with Adrian?

I closed my eyes, enjoying the moment. Adrian's breath tickled the hair at the nape of my neck; it smelled like white wine. Adrian knew the song, and a couple of times he twirled me around, once even dipping me back so far I was sure my hair was touching the ground. Still, I felt safe. I knew he wouldn't let me fall.

When the song drew to a close, I forced myself out of my little cocoon of happiness to face the real world again.

"Adrian," I whispered.

"Hmm?" His mouth was closer to my ear than I'd expected. The awareness made my head spin.

"Please stop."

Immediately we stopped swaying, though he didn't let go of me yet. "Sage?"

"We should stop this now," I said.

"Stop what?"

"This. Dancing." To emphasize my point, I took a step back, letting go of his shoulder. I was still holding his hand, though. "I… I don't know what I'm doing. I don't trust myself around you right now. I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay." The smile he sent me was almost enough to make me fall into his arms anyway. "Take as long as you need, Sage."

"Thanks." I squeezed his fingers. "I'm not saying we'll be…"

"I know."

"I just… I need some time to let my brain breathe." We were both silent for a second after that, until Adrian burst out in laughter.

"Okay, sorry, that was an odd thing to say," I said. "Shows how weird everything in my brain is right now. But you get what I… mean…" The words died in my mouth as I saw someone approaching from behind Adrian. His stiff posture and golden lily identified him as an Alchemist, but he wasn't just any Alchemist. There was only one who could look at me with that much disappointment.

My father was at Sonya's wedding.


	4. Chapter 4

"Sydney. I've been searching for you." My father stopped a couple of yards from us. I pulled my hand away from Adrian's, hoping my father hadn't seen it. "Why didn't you pick up your phone?"

"I'm really sorry, sir. I – I turned it on mute for the service and must've forgotten to put the sound back on. " Just like that, the happiness Adrian had made me feel disappeared and was replaced by an all too familiar sense of failure. "I didn't know you were here as well, sir."

"Then you should make sure you are more informed in the future. Don't think that just because the Alchemists seem to have forgiven you, they don't expect you to do your best. _I _expect you to do your best."

I nodded. "I know, sir. I'm sorry. I'll do better from now on." I could feel Adrian's gaze going from my father to me, and wished he would go away. There was no need for him to see this. "How are things in Utah?" I asked, hoping to change to a lighter topic.

"Zoe's training is going really well. I think that a year from now she'll be more than ready to go out on her own. A year earlier than you."

I barely felt the dig, too shocked by what he'd said about Zoe. "What? But Zoe's only fifteen! I thought that if I - "

"Of course, if you mess up again, she might have to start earlier," my father continued.

A strange, high-pitched sound escaped from my throat. "There'll be no need for that, sir. Things are going really well where I am now. I won't do anything stupid again, I promise."

My father let out a humorless laugh. "You mean like turning off your phone when you are in the _Moroi court_? Or are you referring to your little escapade with that dhampir?" His voice was dripping with disgust. I cringed; I should've known he wouldn't have forgotten or forgiven that."You lost your credibility when you did that, Sydney. It's going to take more than a couple of months looking after…" He halted and looked at Adrian, but he didn't need to finish his sentence anyway.

"I know, sir." I hated how guilty I sounded, but I couldn't help it. "It won't happen again."

"It had better not. Donna tells me you encountered some trouble while you were there."

I didn't know where he was going with this or what trouble he was referring to. Sonya's disappearance, the Warriors of Light, or was he talking about Keith being sent to Re-education? I wondered how he felt about that. Keith had been his favorite – did my father feel like he'd failed, too? Or was it only bad when _I _did something wrong?

"I don't want you to get mixed up in that," my father said. "Next time you expect something like that is going on, report it to your superiors immediately. You can't just go off on your own again. It won't get you anywhere with us."

"I know." _I won't show any initiative or have my own thoughts, Father. Don't worry_, I thought with surprising bitterness. Then I remembered I had been slow dancing with a vampire only seconds before my father showed up, and had to stifle an involuntary laugh. I couldn't even imagine my father's reaction if he ever found out about that. I glanced at Adrian, but he seemed to be deep in thought. "That won't happen again, sir."

"Good." He gave me a once-over and shook his head. "Have you kept to your diet at all?"

That hit me where it hurt.

It couldn't have felt worse if he'd punched me in my stomach. I knew I still had weight to lose – fitting into this dress had been a challenge – but for him to notice it… I swallowed, trying to hide my hurt. _Failure_, a voice remarkably like my father's said. _Disappointing him. Again. _"I, um…"

Suddenly, Adrian spoke up.

"She has. I've hardly seen her eat anything," he said. He was smiling at my father, all the while shooting daggers with his eyes. My father's nostrils flared and he took a small step back, away from Adrian. "Such a shame when a healthy, young girl thinks she needs to lose weight, isn't it?"

_Don't. Do. This._ I stared at him, trying to convey the nonverbal message, but Adrian couldn't be stopped.

"Not that she doesn't still look amazing tonight, of course. She's almost good enough to eat." Adrian flashed his fangs, only briefly, but long enough for my father to turn pale. His brown eyes shot from Adrian to me and to the door.

"Really, Sage, now I understand why you love the Alchemists so much. They sure are a fun bunch to be around," said Adrian. He held out his hand to my father. "Adrian Ivashkov. Nice to meet you, sir."

"Lord Ivashkov." My father nodded at him, but didn't take Adrian's hand. He swallowed and straightened his shoulders, though I could see his hands were shaking. "Jared Sage."

As realization dawned on him, Adrian's eyes widened and he dropped his arm. If I'd hoped he'd let it rest, I was wrong. Of course, I'd known all along that this was going to be a disaster.

"Adrian is someone I work with," I said quickly when Adrian opened his mouth. I shot him a warning look, but Adrian just smirked.

"And your daughter is a _joy _to work with," he said, his tone far too posh and polite. "I always thought Alchemists were just obsessed with their work and didn't know the meaning of the word 'fun', and there she was, proving me right."

_This is going to be bad_, I thought. "Adrian..."

"I worry about her health sometimes, though." He nodded gravely at my father. "Surely even Alchemists need to relax once in a while?"

"She isn't there to - " my father started, but Adrian continued as if he hadn't heard.

"Or eat. Is it something they put in your tattoo, that you can live without food? Or do you turn into normal people when you've had too much sugar? Like with Pinocchio?" He cocked his head. "Sydney won't tell me."

My father frowned and grasped me by my upper arm. "I don't know what you're talking about. Sydney, we're leaving." For a moment, his tone confused me, but then I recognized it for what it was: concern. My father was worried Adrian was going to hurt me.

"Sir, I - " I said, but already he was pulling me into the greenhouse. In my heels, keeping up with him was difficult, but he dragged me through the crowd until I saw four terrified people clustered together, golden lilies on their cheeks. Ian was among them; he closed his eyes and raised his face towards the ceiling when he saw me, saying something I couldn't hear over the music.

"I was so worried about you," he said, when my father let go of me. "Where were you?"

"Outside…" I looked over my shoulder, but I couldn't see Adrian through the throng of people.

"Some Ivashkov was bothering her," my father said. "Sydney, I want you to stay away from him. He's not mentally stable and when Moroi lose their minds… "

"Adrian's harmless." The words escaped my mouth before I could help it. "We were just discussing the Sprit experiments, nothing crazy."

My father looked at me as if I were stupid. Maybe I was. "Weren't you listening? He threatened to _ bite _you."

"No, he didn't. Adrian would never do that."

My father's lip curled up. "Are you really that thick? 'Good enough to eat' – or were you not listening?"

The female Alchemist choked on her glass of water. While she gasped, Ian cried out, "He said _what_?" He put his arm around me, but after dancing with Adrian, I had no patience for this and shrugged him off.

"It was just a joke," I said.

"You never know with vampires," muttered a male Alchemist of around fifty. "It's best if you steer clear of him, Miss Sage. It's Adrian Ivashkov you're talking about?"

My father nodded and the Alchemist gave me a wistful look. "In that case, you shouldn't even be in the same room as he is, Miss Sage. He has quite the reputation, and if he really is a Spirit user, he might try to use compulsion on you." He leaned forward so his face was only inches from mine. Looking around furtively, he whispered, "They think Alchemists taste different. He might take advantage of you. They feel no remorse, you see." He straightened up again.

I could barely believe my own ears. "Are you… Are you really implying Adrian would use compulsion so he could bite me?"

The Alchemist, my father and Ian exchanged meaningful glances.

_Like they know what's best for me_, I thought. _Better than I do. Like they can decide what I can and can't do with my life. _

"Of course, we're not saying you'd fall for it," said the Alchemist. "But compulsion can be very strong, and even the purest among us can't always resist their dark magic. Nothing that some Re-education can't fix, of course, but it would be a waste of your talents if you had to spend time there." I was quite sure his smile was meant to be fatherly, but it made my insides crawl.

"Sydney doesn't have to go to Re-education," said my father. "She knows the danger Moroi pose. Don't think I didn't stress that part of her education."

"Of course, Jared. I wasn't suggesting anything to the contrary," the Alchemist said. "But she's still very young and inexperienced. She still needs some guidance, some protection, as it were." The Alchemist winked at Ian, who blushed.

My mouth set in a hard line. "She is standing right here and can speak and choose for herself. I don't need anyone's protection."

My father raised his eyebrows. "We might be more inclined to take you seriously if you didn't make the wrong choices so often, Sydney." His tone was light – probably because we weren't alone – but the anger in his eyes told me I hadn't heard the last of this.

My head snapped up and I glared at him. "You don't know anything about my choices."

The Alchemist laughed; it sounded forced. "How could we ever understand what goes through a young lady's head?" My father and Ian laughed along with him, through neither did so heartily.

"Maybe if you started seeing them as _persons _instead of fragile young ladies, you'd make some progress," I spat, clenching my hands into fists. "I'm a person. Adrian's a person. We're not some different species that you can use as social experiments. You don't even _try _to empathize with us. You just write us off without ever bothering to get to know us." Heat crept into my cheeks, but I didn't care. "You don't know anything and I suggest you stop judging us until you have the faintest idea what you're talking about!"

"Sydney - " Ian said, reaching out to me, but I was already walking away from them. I was so distraught I hardly knew where I was going, bumping into dancers left and right until I reached a part of the greenhouse that wasn't used by the party. There I kicked off my shoes and sank down against a tree. Even the peace and quiet of this beautiful place couldn't change the fact that, once I got out of here, I'd be up to my ears in trouble.

"Re-education, here I come," I whispered, my vision becoming blurry. _I shouldn't have said that. I should've laughed with them. _But that would have meant that I agreed with them, and I didn't.

Not anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

"So, Sage, d'you think I made a good impression on the in-laws?" I watched as Adrian closed the glass door behind him and walked over to me. With no regard to his suit, he sat down next to me on the cold earth, leaning his forearms on his knees.

"Oh, yes, he adored you. Didn't you notice he was in his 'nice' mode? He was as kind and pleasant to be around as ever." I rested my head on Adrian's shoulder. "He even liked you so much, he expected you to use compulsion to date-rape me, except I would of course never go on a date with you. Those are traits he's looking for in a son-in-law, together with obedience and… and… having no personality." The late hour was taking its toll on my wit and sarcasm skills, it seemed.

"Sounds like you and the other Alchemists are enjoying the wedding," he said. His fingers were running up and down my arm, leaving goose bumps that had nothing to do with the cold.

"They're having a blast. Like you said, we Alchemists know how to have fun." I stretched my neck to look him in the eyes. "Speaking of which, I think you almost gave my father a heart attack when you said I was good enough to eat. Vampires saying that does _not _go well with Alchemists."

"Insulting and patronizing you doesn't go well with me. He had it coming." There wasn't even a hint of remorse in Adrian's voice. I liked that. "Sorry to tell you this, Sage, but your father is a bit of a dick."

I rolled my eyes. "Hey, thanks."

"He is. Luckily, you are nothing like him. Tell me, was your mother very fond of your mailman?"

I cracked a smile at that, but it wasn't enough to take away the feeling of dread. "I wish you hadn't seen that. Sorry."

"Don't apologize for your father being an ass," he said. "If people had to do that, I'd never stop."

We were both silent for a while. My mind was whirring with everything that was going on. I knew my father – or any Alchemist, really – only had to come in and see me with Adrian right now, and my fate would be sealed, if it wasn't already. A glance at the door reassured me that this part of the greenhouse was deserted. Adrian and I were alone. With Adrian's shoulder functioning as a pillow, I noticed I started to doze off, until Adrian broke the silence.

"Who's Zoe?"

I blinked a couple of times and forced myself upright. "What?"

"Your dad, he said that Zoe's training was going well… Is she your little sister?"

"Yeah." I rubbed my face with my hands, hoping I'd stay awake until I got back to my room. "She wasn't supposed to get Alchemist training. I was, you know, the Alchemist in the family, but then there was this little escapade with Rose and… Well, they thought it a good idea to have an extra Alchemist. Just in case." A lump formed in my throat as I thought of Zoe. I still couldn't believe she was going to be sent out as an Alchemist in a year because of what I did.

_It's not your fault. It's the Alchemists'. They don't have to choose her_, I thought. _They don't have to control her life. You don't have to let that happen._

That was madness, of course. What could I do to stop the Alchemists?

"If she's anything like you, I'm sure she'll be okay," said Adrian.

"I'm not sure if you've noticed, Adrian, but right now I'm being comforted by a Moroi who is in love with me. By Alchemist standard I'm _definitely _not okay." Although it wasn't Adrian that was making me feel horrible; it was the Alchemists. Sometimes, Adrian seemed to be the only person keeping me sane. "And Zoe's _fifteen_. She's far too young to be subjected to the their games and plans."

"And she can't opt out?" he asked.

"You don't opt out of the Alchemists. It's kind of a lifelong commitment. And even if she could, Zoe wouldn't." My thoughts drifted back to the night I'd left home and Zoe's sloppy braids. I wondered if she'd forgiven me yet. "Zoe's too afraid of disappointing my father."

"So that runs in the family then."

"More or less. Well, Carly's a lot tougher than we are, but… It's the way he looks at you. Like nothing you could ever do would be enough."

Adrian's hand froze halfway up my upper arm, and he pulled me closer. "Sage…"

My voice was a lot higher than usual. "And lately I can't even fulfill normal Alchemist expectations, let alone his. I feel like I can't do anything right. I'm hurting you and I'm disappointing my father even more than he knows. He'd never speak to me again if he knew about this."

"Sage," Adrian said, his voice deadly serious. "Sydney. You're not a disappointment."

I scoffed, but he continued, "I mean it. You're strong and brilliant and gorgeous and loyal and just about the hardest working person I know. If your father doesn't see just how lucky he is to have a daughter like you, then he's even stupider than I thought."

"Then why do I feel so inadequate all the time?" I whispered.

He paused. When he spoke again, it was with an anger I hadn't expected. "Because he knows he owns you as long as you feel that way. The Alchemists know. They know that when you realize how amazing you are, you're not going to take their shit anymore." He kissed my temple. "And you're better than that. You're so much better than the Alchemists, Sage. So much stronger than they want you to be."

It was hard to imagine the Alchemists thinking I was "amazing" when they always gave me the impression I was harmless and interchangeable – inconsequential. Still, there had to be some truth in Adrian's words. The Alchemists didn't want me to think, didn't want me to question their beliefs. What I'd always accepted as truth had become uncertain once I'd got to know Moroi and dhampirs. I couldn't help but wonder about what else they were wrong.

I turned my head. Adrian was so close our noses touched.

"At least someone still believes in me," I said. "That has to count for something, I guess."

"Even when that someone is a crazy vampire?" He rested his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I breathed in the familiar, comforting scent of his skin.

"Hey. I happen to like that vampire," I said, as he brought his lips down to mine. They touched but for a moment, just long enough for me to taste him, when someone said, "Listen, I get that you want some privacy, but this part of the…"

_Oh no. _

Adrian stiffened and I tore away from him, my heart beating my throat. "I can explain - " I started, but I stopped when I saw who it was. I almost had to laugh at the expression of complete incredulity that was on Rose Hathaway's face.


	6. Chapter 6

"Hello, little dhampir," Adrian said, getting up. From his tone one would guess that he was caught kissing humans on a daily basis. "I didn't catch what you w - "

"What the fuck? What the _fuck_?" Rose looked dumbstruck, too flabbergasted even to be mad. "Adrian, what – the – _fuck? _What - I - " She gestured at me, then at Adrian, then dropped her arm by her side. "Have you gone absolutely _crazy_?!" she shrieked.

Adrian pretended to contemplate her question. "No, not recently, I think."

"Please keep your voice down," I said, looking at the door behind Rose. The last thing we needed was someone else barging in on us. "Rose, this is not what it looks like."

"Then what is it? What the _hell _is going on?" Her brown eyes were huge and filled with bewilderment. "I don't – what – huh? What the fuck? No, seriously, Adrian," she said, though Adrian hadn't said or done anything, "What the fuck were you thinking? She's _human!_"

"Really? I thought she was a fish," Adrian said, but his jaw was tensed. "I know she's human, Rose. I'm not stupid."

She raised her eyebrows. "No, I can tell, because kissing Sydney – an Alchemist! – is a good idea?! Adrian, why? No, really, _why_?" Slowly her bewilderment was turning into anger. "What on earth were you _thinking_?"

"Rose, please," I said. "Not too loud."

She looked as if I'd slapped her in the face. "What?"

"Others might hear you. Them finding out about… it's best if people don't know about this." Whatever "this" meant. I had no idea what the deal between Adrian and me was right now.

"But… how…" Stammering, she pointed at me. "You're afraid of us! You're scared of vampires. You know this is – he – you're a human! I thought we were unnatural and now.. _How?_" All of a sudden, she turned to Adrian, her dark ponytail swishing from her speed. "What have you done to her?"

"I kissed her," he said, though it was obvious Rose wasn't referring to that.

"Adrian," she said from between clenched teeth, "_what _have you done? Why did you think this was a good idea? She's human!"

"And she chose to kiss me! What makes you think I'm the bad guy in this?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because Sydney _knows _it's wrong to - "

"She doesn't _know _that. It's not _wrong _to love anyone!"

"It is when you're a vampire and she's a human!" Rose glared at me, taking me by surprise. "Sydney, tell him. You – this is wrong. When we were at the Keepers – you – everybody knows that's not okay!"

"Well, I…" I said. She was right, of course, but at the same time, she wasn't. We weren't just a human and a Moroi; we were also two people. "I know I said that, but I…" I shrugged helplessly.

Her face fell and she shook her head almost imperceptibly. "No. Sydney, no. You're joking. You have to be…" She looked at Adrian. "Why isn't she joking? Why aren't you… I mean, this is a one-time thing, right?"

"Not exactly," said Adrian.

Rose closed her eyes and hid her face in her hands. "Please don't tell me you two are having a secret affair," she said, her voice muffled by her fingers. "Please, Adrian, tell me you're not that stupid."

"I am that stupid. Just not that lucky." He glanced at me, uncertainty in his eyes, but I honestly didn't know how lucky he was on that score. Rose's reaction only reminded me of what I'd been telling myself for weeks now. Was she a better or a worse judge for not being in this situation herself?

Lowering her hands, Rose said in a small voice, 'But how did this happen? How?'

"How did you fall in love with Belikov? It just happens." Adrian laced his fingers through mine.

"That's not the same. It's… People are going to go ballistic when they find out." Troubled, she ran a hand through her hair. "I mean, this is going to be huge. 'Ivashkov heir dating Alchemist.' You'll be lynched!"

"That's why no one should find out," I said. For the first time, I realized that I'm not the only one whose organization wouldn't just be shocked, but act on it. Sure, I had Re-education to fear, but Adrian was a royal Moroi. He wouldn't get off easily either if his people found out, though I doubted he'd be brainwashed. Still, the thought of him being hurt…

"We'll work things out." Adrian gripped my hand more tightly. I wondered if he knew how much I needed that reassurance right now.

"Fuck. You're both serious." Rose averted her face, staring at a small tree. She looked as if she was about to throw up. "Fuck. So… what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know," Adrian said. "Sage?"

II thought of my father and the other Alchemists. "_Nothing a little Re-education can't fix, of course_." And Rose's reaction showed that what Adrian and I were doing was wrong no matter how you looked at it. Nobody – except maybe for Jill – wanted this to happen between us. There was no way it could work out when everybody we knew would condemn our relationship.

And I thought about the feeling of Adrian's hand in mine and the way he always cheered me up. I wanted him to be happy and safe and with me, but I doubted all three were possible. It would be easiest for everyone if I went back to denying my feelings, hoping that Adrian would forget me. It would also break my heart.

"We'll find a way," I said, sounding a lot more confident than I felt.

The corners of Rose's mouth curled up into a sad smile. "And I thought Dimitri and I had social issues to overcome. At least student-teacher relationships happen often enough to be scandalous."

"Why would you want a normal relationship when you can shock every vampire and Alchemist in America?" Adrian said. "We can't all fight Strigoi on a daily basis, you know. Some of us have to make our own fun."

"That's what television is for." She took a deep breath. "Wow. I still can't believe it, but I honestly don't know what… I just can't. Congratulations, you have officially rendered me speechless."

"Speechless enough that you won't tell anyone?" I said.

"My lips are sealed," she promised. "And it's not like anyone would believe me if I told them." She eyed our entwined hands, her mouth twitching. I'd never seen her this uncomfortable before. Even when we'd been at the Keepers, she hadn't looked this disturbed.

"Oh, come on, little dhampir," said Adrian. "It's not like Sage and I are the first ones to do this."

"And I thought the Alchemists existed to prevent that from happening again."

He shrugged. "They also think we're all evil monsters. Just because a group of religious people claim something doesn't mean that it's true."

Rose opened her mouth, but didn't say anything. She just stared at him, shaking her head. "I really can't believe this. Even from you, this is crazy. Christ…"

I stifled a yawn and checked my phone for the time. It was seven thirty, which made it four thirty for my internal clock. A second yawn didn't go unnoticed by Rose, who said, "Tired?"

"It's been a long day. I think I might go back to my room."

"Think you can find your way back to your room?" said Adrian. "Or would you like me to show you? What room are you in?"

"342, in the Worcester wing," I replied at the same time that Rose said, "Adrian, you've got to be kidding me."

"What?"

She rolled her eyes. "You know what."

Adrian actually looked insulted. "I'm offering to show her back to her room. I didn't propose to make baby dhampirs." He stopped and we were all silent. _Baby dhampirs_. If Adrian and I ever had children, they wouldn't be human.

_Stop thinking ahead like that_, I thought, avoiding Adrian's eyes. _You're eighteen, you'll probably never get pregnant from him. This is not important._

_They wouldn't be human._

_Adrian isn't human._

"Sage?" Adrian said. "Sage, are you okay?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and nodded. "Yeah. I'm fine. Just – just give me a moment."

_Adrian isn't human. _

_"Nothing some Re-Education can't fix."_

_He's not going to hurt you. _

_"We might be more inclined to take you seriously if you didn't make the wrong choices so often."_

_"Because he knows he owns you as long as you feel that way."_

When I opened my eyes, my heart was beating like crazy. Yet I felt calm when I looked into Adrian's worried face. "It'd be really nice if you could walk me back."


	7. Chapter 7

While we walked back to my room, Adrian pointed out parts of the Court grounds and told me about them. There are some instances where I suspected he was just making things up, like when he told me of the fair maiden who'd been held captive in one of the towers until she'd been rescued by another fair maiden on a dragon, who then started a bakery together. Or when he swore that there'd been a murder in the Meadowes Wing and that the murdered Moroi man's ghost still haunted the grounds. Still, the stories were entertaining and they kept the more serious topics at bay – for now. Despite his chattiness, I knew Rose's reaction was on his mind as well.

Maybe if Rose had been conservative or well-behaved, it wouldn't have been so bad, but Rose was – to me, at least – the epitome of rebelliousness. If even she thought this thing between Adrian and me was so wrong, what did that tell us about the rest of the world? People who didn't know either of us would judge and maybe even harm us. Some, maybe most of them, probably wouldn't even do it out of malice, but because they honestly thought it was wrong. If I was sent to a Re-education center, the Alchemists wouldn't see that as a punishment. They'd regard it as the only way to save my soul. A large portion of the reaction I feared would be fueled by concern more than anything else, and I hated that.

I couldn't stand the thought of people pitying me. _"Poor Sydney, she's clearly lost it. Can't even see how wrong she is! Luckily, she has us to look after her. Make decisions for her. Think for her." _No matter what I'd say, they'd just condescendingly shake their heads and tell me they'd fix me. Because there was something wrong with me. Because they'd know better than I did. Because they were wiser than I was. At least angry people took you seriously; the Alchemists would just see me as someone who might be a danger to herself, but wasn't important enough to listen to.

Adrian's voice startled me out of my worries. "Room 342 you said, right?"

He'd been quiet these past few minutes, and without me noticing it, we'd reached the door to my room. It was hard to imagine that Ian picked me up from here only a couple of hours ago.

"Yeah, it is. "I fished my keys out of my purse and opened the door. Standing in the doorway, I wondered what I was supposed to do now. "Thanks for walking me here." I paused. "Are you going back to the reception?"

"I don't think so. You're not the only one who's on a diurnal schedule." He put his hands in his pockets and appeared as confused as I felt. After a brief hesitation, he leaned in and kissed my cheek. "Good night, Sage," he said, his lips tickling my skin.

Pulling back, he smiled and turned to walk away. I reached out and touched his arm. "Adrian? Would you like to come in for a sec?"

He still had that smile, but surprise flashed in his eyes. "Sure."

I waited until he was inside and then closed the door behind him. While I got out of my shoes and let out an elated sigh at the relief, Adrian said. "They must really want to get into your good books. This room's even better than mine." He took off his dinner jacket and hung it over an antique chair.

"That's what Rose said, too." I sat down on the edge of the bed, fighting the temptation to just curl up and fall asleep. Adrian and I had some things to discuss. "What are we going to do?"

He sat down next to me, far enough so we weren't touching. "Sage, you know me. If it's a reckless, irresponsible, stupid and crazy thing to do, there's no way I can resist it. Especially when a beautiful woman is involved. I'm up for this." He reached over and brushed a lock of hair from my face. "But I also know that you're not really comfortable with that."

"You could say that," I said.

He smiled wistfully. "So the decision lies with you. If you want to do this, I'm game. If you don't, I understand. If you don't know or want to wait or whatever, that's fine. I'm not going anywhere." The tenderness in his voice made my insides feel surprisingly warm and jelly-like.

"The problem is," I said after a long silence, "that I don't know what I think. I mean, there's this huge difference between what I know and what I think, if that makes sense." It had certainly never happened to me before, but Adrian's nod didn't come as a surprise. "I _know _relationships between humans and Moroi are supposed to be wrong, but I don't_ feel_ that way. And I don't know to which side of me I'm supposed to listen. Because If I admit that this isn't bad, then I don't know… then I basically refute everything I've been taught in my life." I managed a small smile at that. "And that's kind of scary."

"I can imagine," he said.

"I just don't know who I am if I'm not an Alchemist. It's like I had this clear picture of myself and lately everything is changing and I barely recognize myself." I'd definitely come a long way since I'd first met Rose – and I thought it was for the better, but how could I be sure? "Where do I stand now? What do I believe in?"

Enveloping me in his arms, Adrian rested his cheek on the top of my head. "You're more than just what the Alchemists taught you. You've still got your friends and family and your outrageous love for cars…"

"I guess you're right," I said.

"Terrifying, isn't it?"

"Even scarier than my identity crisis." I was so comfortable resting against him, sleep almost engulfed me. I gently pushed Adrian away; there were still some things I needed to tell him. "Adrian, if this gets out… Have I ever told you about Re-education centers?"

"I don't think you have," he said slowly.

"They're these places Alchemists send those who are… who get too friendly with Moroi. And by 'too friendly', I mean people like Keith. I mean people who aren't bothered by a dhampir hugging them. I mean… I mean Alchemists who aren't all but shaking in their shoes whenever there's a vampire around."

Adrian's voice was strangely hollow when he asked, "What happens in there?"

"Re-education."

"And is that as creepy as it sounds?" Looking at him, I could see how hard he was struggling to hide his emotions, but he couldn't keep the worry from his face.

"Yeah, it is. And that's probably where I'll go if anyone ever finds out. And if that happens…" I went cold at the thought of being in a Re-education center. "I-if that ever happens, they'll make sure I don't have those unnatural feelings anymore."

Adrian frowned. "How?"

"I don't know. Almost no one knows." I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around my knees. "I saw Keith a couple of weeks ago, though. It was… I wouldn't even wish that upon him. And by the time people get out of there, it's like they're brainwashed. Probably because they are."

Adrian clenched his hands into fists. "Sage, I'd never let that happen to you." The intensity of his voice even amazed me. "If they ever send you there, I'll get you out, I promise."

"Ha! Good luck with that," I said. "Breaking someone out of a Re-education center won't be easy."

He shrugged. "I have a habit of rescuing my girlfriends from prisons. Trust me, I'll find a way." He pulled me close for a kiss. "And do you really think Castile and Jailbait would just let you stay there? Or Angeline? I want to bet she'd try to bust down the doors herself."

I chuckled at the thought. "Probably, yeah."

He kissed me again, longer this time. Closing my eyes, I travelled my hands up from his abdomen to his shoulders, pushing him down on the mattress. I was so tired, it was like I was in a dream. A very pleasant dream. Adrian's hands, caressing my back and going lower and lower, sent a warm current through my entire body.

When I finally broke away, I was breathing heavily. It would've been embarrassing if Adrian hadn't been just as bad.

He blinked a couple of times. "Wow, Sage."

"Adrian." I smiled and rested my head on his chest, feeling his heart beat rapidly underneath my ear. With the sound of Adrian's slowing breath in the background and his arms around me, I drifted off into a wonderful, deep sleep.

* * *

_Knock, knock_.

I opened my eyes, momentarily confused about what had happened. Mainly, about why there was a sleeping Moroi in my bed. In the moment it took me to remember last night, I heard the sound again.

_Knock, knock._

There was someone at the door.

* * *

**A/N: As always, I hope you like it and reviews are very welcome!**


	8. Chapter 8

"Oh no." I scrambled up, looking around the sunlit room. What time was it? It had to be past noon at least, but what time did that mean for my internal clock? One glance at Adrian reminded me that that was _not _my main concern right now.

"Adrian. Adrian, wake up," I hissed, shaking him. Over my shoulder, I called to the door, "Who is it?" in what I hoped was a sleepy, relaxed voice.

"Ian!"

Adrian was stirring, throwing his arm over his eyes to shield them from the light. "Sage?" he murmured, his voice thick from sleep. "Isn't it a bit e – what are you doing in my bed?"

"Adrian, you have to get up, now." I tried to push him from the bed, wondering where best to hide him. "There's someone at the door. Could you please wait in the bathroom?"

Just as it started to hit Adrian what was going on, Ian said, "Sydney? Do you mind if I come in? I need to speak with you." He sounded uneasy, but I couldn't tell if that was from the thought of talking to me or the chance of walking into Moroi if he stayed in the corridor. Little did he know that my bedroom was hardly better for evading vampires.

"Give me a second, okay?" I said. "I'll be with you in a bit."

"Okay…"

I caught my reflection in the mirror and winced. My hair was a mess and I had dark circles under my eyes, caused not only by a lack of sleep but also by running mascara. Add to that the wrinkles in my dress and the man that had just escaped to my bathroom, and I was the schoolbook image of a girl having a one night stand.

Nothing to be done about that now, I supposed as I got to the door and opened it. I was a little miffed when I saw how groomed Ian looked; he was wearing clean clothes, his hair was neatly combed and, judging from the small wounds on his cheeks, he'd just shaved. Giving me a twice-over, he appeared taken aback at my disheveled exterior but didn't say anything about it.

"Good afternoon, Sydney. Have you slept well?" he said, as he stepped inside. "It looks like you just fell into your bed the moment you came in!"

"It was really late. I'm not used to all-nighters anymore. They're, um, not part of my job right now." A sense of unease was growing in my stomach. What was Ian doing here? It couldn't be that the Alchemists were sending me to a Re-education center already, could it? Surely they would send more people if that were the case?

"Lucky you. I don't see nearly enough daylight – I can't imagine how _they _survive without seeing the sun." Distaste flickered across his features, but he regained his composure. "I hope I didn't wake you?"

"Only a bit. I shouldn't sleep in too long, anyway," I said, though having a couple more hours with Adrian in my bed sounded very appealing. Speaking of which… It would be more than inconvenient if Ian found out about him. I should get Ian out before anything unfortunate happened. "Ian, what are you doing here?"

"Darla sent me." Though I couldn't be sure, I thought Darla had been the female Alchemist who'd also been at the reception. I couldn't imagine anyone else Ian would listen to, unless that male Alchemist had very cruel parents. "But really, I'm here on behalf of Morton and your father as well. And myself, of course."

His discomfort made alarm bells go off in my head. Maybe he wasn't here to send me to Re-education, but it seemed I was still in for a chastisement. At least my father wasn't giving it to me.

"Oh," I said, keeping my face neutral. "And why?"

The next words were obviously hard for him to say. With an expression I associated with my father, he said, "To apologize."

I blinked. "Excuse me?"

Ian didn't look at me, studying the wallpaper pattern instead. "We have discussed it among each other and come to the conclusion that perhaps we were being too hard on you."

My jaw all but dropped in astonishment. The Alchemists, admitting they were wrong – or at least not entirely right?

"It was late for you, after all, and after spending hours around _them_… None of us were in top form. We shouldn't have taken that out on you and we're all really sorry if we upset you." Now he did meet my eye, but I wish he didn't, not when he was proving my worst fear: Nobody would take me seriously if I went through with my feelings for Adrian. They'd write it off to circumstances making me irrational, not listen to what I had to say.

But for now, I had to focus on the good part: the Alchemists seemed to have forgiven me for my little outburst. No Re-education for me – yet.

I forced my lips into a smile. "That's okay. I completely understand. Apologies accepted. Like you said, it was late and…" I faltered when I noticed he wasn't paying attention to me. "Ian?"

He cocked his head, looking at something behind me. I turned around – and my heart sank into my shoes. Adrian's dinner jacket was still hanging on the chair.

"Sydney? Whose is that?" Ian said.

"I don't know." I kept my gaze firmly on the chair so I wouldn't have to see Ian's face. "I mean, one of the guardians at the wedding gave it to me. When I went back."

"What? Sydney!" Within a second, Ian was by my side, his warm hand on my shoulder. "Why did you do that?"

"Have you seen this dress?" I held out my bared arms. "They're sleeveless. It's _December_. I was cold. One of the guardians saw and offered me his jacket. It's just a piece of clothing."

"You could've had mine, if you'd asked." Ian sounded almost… hurt. "Even if you were angry with us, you don't need to… Sydney, you never have to go to _them _for help. We'll always help you. I'll always help you."

Adrian's remark about Ian having a crush on me came back to me. It was not something I could deal with right now. "That's very nice of you. Look, Ian, I think I should get a shower and clean up a bit. I'll see you later, okay?"

"I don't know if you will – I have to leave soon." He retrieved his hand and took a step back. "Syd, I was wondering, after tonight… maybe we could stay in touch?"

"Um, yeah, okay. Sure."

He grinned. "Great. Maybe I could come over some weekends – you could show me California. Maybe we could…" There was a particular kind of awkwardness around him that reminded me very much of Brayden. Under these circumstances, that was not a good sign.

"Well, you should know that I'm kind of seeing someone," I said. "It's early stages, but we're hitting off really well." Not that I would have gone out with him if I'd been single. I wanted someone who respected me as a person, including my mistakes, and Ian didn't fit that bill.

The grin slid off his face. "Oh. Oh. I didn't know that."

"Like I said, early stages. But we should stay in touch. As friends." Having one or two Alchemists on my side when – if – the news about Adrian and me broke out could never hurt. I just hoped Ian's feelings wouldn't be more than amicable by then.

"In that case, I'll just leave you to it." He went to the door and halted. "Hey, Sydney?"

I was already halfway to the bathroom. "Yes?"

"You should tell that guy he's really lucky. And that if it doesn't work out between you… Well, you'll know where to find me."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: This was supposed to be less dramatic, but I've just seen Anna Karenina (amazing film) and what I'd already envisioned as this scene just became... inspired by an affair at the Russian Emperial court. ah, well. As always, I adore your reviews !**

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The bathroom door opened just as the one to the corridor clicked shut. Adrian was leaning against the doorframe, water dripping off his face and onto his wrinkled dress shirt. His bow tie was undone and hanging around his neck, one end lower than the other, which made my hands ache to hang it straight.

"You're already seeing someone?" he said.

"Yeah. This really crazy guy – drinks blood, brings people back from the dead, thinks it's okay to make jokes about beautiful cars. You probably wouldn't like him." I brushed past him to get into the bathroom, repressing a yawn.

"I don't know, Sage." Adrian rested on the counter while I checked the shower for shampoo. "He sounds quite cool. I think you're the lucky one, not him. Let me guess, is he also outrageously good-looking, funny and talented?"

"Not really, no," I said absent-mindedly. "Bit of an idiot, really."

"You're just saying that. I want to bet that when you're alone, the two of you are burning with passion and love and that you just can't get enough of him."

Suddenly, his arms closed around me and he kissed my neck, sending a thrill through my body. Still, I pushed him away, though I couldn't keep from grinning. "Not now. I really, really want to take a shower first."

He was staring at the floor. When he looked up, he wore the most heartbreaking expression, the corners of his mouth quavering, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "Sage…"

I rolled my eyes at him. "That's not going to help. Out, now."

The abandoned-puppy look disappeared as quickly as it had come and Adrian was back to his usual cocky attitude. "Is that how you treat the love of your life?"

"Yes. Isn't that obvious?"

Exiting the bathroom, he chuckled. "This is going to be a dramatic romance, I can tell."

"It's going to be a dramatic crime scene investigation if you don't give me some privacy," I said.

"Already leaving, already leaving!"

..

Despite my fatigue I couldn't stop grinning when I had packed all my belongings and went downstairs to get my cab. A part of me wanted to stay at Court, even if it was just to admire the architecture and the splendor of some of the royal Moroi. In many ways Court reminded me of what I always imagined the palaces of the Karenins to be like, with its chandeliers and wall patterns laid in with gold foil. It was a beautiful place to start my romance. I could only hope it wouldn't end in disaster.

The clacking of my footsteps on the marble floor echoed through the hall. Towing my suitcase with me, I felt like everyone was staring at me, though most people present paid no attention to me. It wasn't until I reached a flight of stairs that someone came up to me.

"Miss Sage, could I talk to you for a moment?" It was the female Alchemist – Darla.

"Oh, yes, of course," I said uncomfortably. _Looks like you're being chastised after all_.

She led me to a secluded corner of a small corridor. Though she was tiny, she radiated so much willfulness I wondered why I didn't pay more attention to her last night. She was the one who'd sent Ian to apologize to me; was she revoking that apology?

"Miss Sage," she said, after double-checking if there was no one in our vicinity, "I know what you're doing with that Ivashkov boy and I advise you to stop."

"I don't know what you mean," I said automatically. I tried to keep my face composed, but I knew my panic had to show. What was this? How did she know? Had she seen Adrian leave? Had she – what was she – _what was I going to do?_

She squinted at me, the corners of her mouth pulled down. "Don't play stupid with me."

"I'm not. I honestly don't know - "

"Save it. I saw the two of you walking back from the reception yesterday night. Not that I needed that – your face when your father brought you to us said enough, not to mention your little speech to us." She grabbed me by my arm and shook me. "Do you have any idea how stupid you're being? What risk you're taking?"

_Should I lie? Not lie? If I confess, I'll end in a Re-education Center, but if she knows and I keep lying, what will happen what does she mean by this what am I sup - _

"Ma'am, I think you're imagining things," I said. "Adrian Ivashkov is a Moroi. I'm an Alchemist."

Her fingers tightened around my arm. "I meant what I said, Miss Sage. Don't play coy with me. It won't get you anywhere. Now I expect you to listen. You. Must. Not. Do. This." Though her voice was hushed, she shook me with every word she said. "You cannot throw your life away like that."

I refused to meet her eyes. "I'm not throwing anything away."

"Aren't you? What do you think will happen when you get caught? Because you will. You already have been."

The worst thing was, she was right. We had been – two, almost three times, and I still hardly knew if Adrian and I even were _in _a relationship.

"How do you think the Alchemists will react when they find out, hmm?" She cocked her head. "Or your father? Do you think they'll just brush it off, like they did with your comments yesterday night? No, you don't, do you? Because you're smarter than that." She let go of me, pushing me away from her.

"I know and accept the risks," I said.

"No, Miss Sage. You don't." There was no mistaking the pity in her voice. "You are about to risk your entire life for a teenage fling. And that's stupid."

"Please don't pretend you know what I'm doing," I snapped. Darla wasn't someone I wanted as an enemy, not if she knew, but this patronizing attitude of the Alchemists' disgusted me.

"I don't have to pretend." The lines in her face softened. "Trust me when I say I know exactly what you're going through and it's _not worth it. _I'm not handing you in to the Alchemists, but I do ask you to learn from the mistakes of others."

_What?_

This conversation had just taken a turn I had _not _been expecting. She wasn't really implying that she, too…? "Excuse me?"

"Teenagers. Always think they're the first ones to discover love. You're not the only Alchemist to have made this mistake – and yes, it is a mistake," she said, when I looked away. "You're just lucky enough to be caught by me before you get into any more trouble."

"Why aren't you telling the Alchemists?"

"Miss Sage. When I was your age… I knew a dhampir. A guardian." She was still looking at me, but I got the impression she didn't _see _me. All of a sudden she had got a dreaminess about her I didn't think any Alchemist would ever have.

"Beautiful, always cheerful, interested in anyone," Darla continued. "And we fell in love. I was assigned in the city where she and the Moroi she protected lived, so we had contact when she'd killed a Strigoi, when something had gone wrong, you know the drill. But over time, people got suspicious." She lost the dreamy expression, turning cold instead. "People will notice with you, too. It's not just the relationship – it's the way you act around them. Already you're far more comfortable around Moroi than you should be."

"I have to be to do my job well," I said.

"Not _that _comfortable, Miss Sage. You saw the others. That's what you're supposed to be like. If you're not – and you won't be if you don't stop this little escapade with Mr. Ivashkov – then you know what'll happen."

The word hung over us like a dark cloud. _Re-education. Re-education._

"Is that what happened to you?" I asked.

"No. No, it didn't come to that. Sue realized the danger I was in better than I did, and ended it. And rightly so. Her doing that saved me. It kept me who I was – an Alchemist."

"Then I suppose that's why your case is different from mine," I said. "I'm not an Alchemist. Like I told you yesterday, I'm a person."

There was no humor in her laugh, only bitterness. "Don't be absurd. You're eighteen, born and raised an Alchemist. You're about to have a stellar career with us. Are you going to throw that all away just over some teenage fling?"

"Of course not."

She eyed me uncertainly. "Okay. Good. I'm glad we've settled this. You'll stay away from him then?"

"That's not what I said."

She took a step towards me, but I did not flinch. "If you think that you're not throwing away your life because your love will just be so special, so epic, it will make everything all right," she said softly, "then you're wrong. You're eighteen. He's, what, twenty? Twenty-one? You won't stay together. And when you break up - "

" – treating Moroi and dhampirs the way the Alchemists do is still wrong." My hand clenched the handle of my case.

"The Alchemists don't need idealists."

"Then they're out of luck, because that's what I am," I said. "I'm sorry, but even if I break it off with Adrian, that won't change my attitude towards Moroi. I am fine with doing my Alchemists duties when it comes to dealing with Strigoi and whatever it may be I have to do, but I'm not going to treat Moroi and dhampirs like they're less than me."

"Don't do that," she said. "What good will it do you?"

I stared at her face, wondering how she could ever have loved a dhampir. And then I saw something: This was who I was going to be if I didn't go through with this. I'd be no better than my father. I'd be repudiating what I thought was right and wrong. "What good will it do me? It means doing what feels right to me. It means no longer being a part of something I don't agree with! Even if I can't change what you think, I can still make my own choices!"

She stared at me for a long time before sighing. "The Alchemists will put you in a Re-education center for that."

"Maybe." I turned away from her. "But can they keep me there?"


	10. Chapter 10

"So that's what happened." My bravura had been greatly diminished since my little oration to Darla, leaving me wondering how I was ever going to get myself out of this mess. Now, standing in Adrian's kitchen and confiding in him, it was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.

Adrian stared at me, blatant disbelief in his eyes. "You're my hero."

"A hero?" I scoffed in an attempt to hide my confusion. "Not to burst your little bubble, but if I'm a hero, you should be worried. I feel more like an idiot."

"Don't you know how often those overlap? It's time you read _Harry Potter_, Sage. I think I heard the first book was available in Latin…" Shaking his head, he brought himself back to the present. "And anyway, it's not stupid what you did. You stood for what you believe in – that's brave."

I wasn't sure if I agreed with him on that, but the conversation of Laches and Socrates came to mind. Was what I'd done brave? Not according to Athenian philosophers, seeing as what I'd done was also foolish. But to be quite honest, right now I was tired of what men had said hundreds of years ago.

"Still," I said thoughtfully, "it probably did complicate things."

"We're already breaking every rule our societies have made, ever. One Alchemist more or less isn't going to make such a big difference to… well, the everything." He kissed the tip of my nose and then moved down to kiss my lips. My worries were put on hold while I kissed him back, running my fingers through his hair.

"Sage," he groaned when he let me go. He gingerly patted his hair and tried to re-style it without a mirror. "Do you have any idea how much time and effort I put into that?"

"Yes. And it looked just fine when you woke up and hadn't done anything to it." I reached out to ruffle his hair, but he evaded me with a move he'd learned from Wolfe. That wasn't how I'd imagined him using that training, but I figured I shouldn't be surprised.

"Vanity, thy name is Adrian Ivashkov," I said,

He smirked at me and undoubtedly had a witty response ready, but the door opened and Eddie came in.

"I was wondering why it took you so long to get some drinks for everyone," he said, taking in the scene. "If you lovebirds wanted some time alone, you could just say so. You should keep incest in the family." He smirked.

"Okay. Next time I plan on ravishing Sage on the kitchen counter, I'll tell you." Adrian looked quite relaxed and I had no idea why. How was it possible that after I'd been together with Adrian for less than a day, everybody already seemed to know?

"How did you - " I started.

"Jill told me."

_You've got to be kidding me_.

The thought must have been clearly written on my face, because Eddie grinned and said, "She was really excited and it just sort of… slipped out. No one but Angeline and I heard, though." He walked to the fridge and got out some pop as if what was going on was normal. "And you couldn't have kept it from us for long anyway. We're not all as unobservant as you are."

"Great," I muttered. "Are we really that obvious?"

"Yes," Adrian and Eddie said in unison.

"You don't seem very upset about it, though." I scrutinized Eddie, who popped open his can. "Shouldn't you be worried about races intermingling?"

"I probably should be, but it doesn't really bother me when it's you two. You have _no _idea how much this explains about the last couple of weeks." He grinned as he looked from Adrian to me. "It would be really interesting if people at school heard about it, of course…"

I grimaced. "I'm not going to tell people at school. As few people as possible can know about this."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I was just picturing it," said Eddie.

A giggle escaped from my mouth. "'Hey, Julia, remember that brother I had that you thought was cute? Yeah, he's my boyfriend now.' They know I'm socially awkward, but that would be pushing it."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that, Sage." Adrian wrapped his arm around my waist. "If I had a brother who looked like me…"

"Maybe it's best if you don't finish that sentence," Eddie said. Grabbing two more cans of pop, he started to move out of the kitchen. "Are you two coming too?"

I shrugged and followed him to the living room, where Jill and Angeline were sitting on the couch, discussing something. When we entered, they looked up, very broad, very telling smiles on their faces.

"We were starting to get worried," Angeline said innocently as I sat down on the armrest of a bright red chair. "You were gone for so long, we thought something might have happened. I mean, you both look as if you've had a rough night…"

"Oh, you have no idea," said Adrian. "You know Sage. Absolutely crazy at parties. I think she had, what, two glasses or orange juice? That was some heavy drinking she was doing."

"And of course you were the picture of abstinence," said Eddie.

"Of course."

As we talked about the wedding, I started to relax. In Adrian's warm and colorful apartment, with my friends discussing what was cooler, inflatable penguins or sharks, I felt at home. And as Adrian laced his fingers through mine, I knew that whatever the Alchemists had planned for me, this was worth the trouble.

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**A/N: First of all, yes, Darla is gay. Second of all, this is the end, I hope you liked it (and weren't too bothered by my unexpected feminism/political-ish ranting) and, as always, please review!**


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